**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
