I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
