I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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