I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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