The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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