it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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