sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
