he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
