i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
