There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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