i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
