happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
