You can't special order awesome
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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