I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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