So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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