1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
