she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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