bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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