I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
