It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this just has baby written all over it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
