evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
