ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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