It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
