Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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