The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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