hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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