there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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