6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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