i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
