Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
