my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
