I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I believe in your delicious
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
