Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
