found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
