You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
