do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
