Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
