I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
