i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
