I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
