WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
