Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
