You smell like stripper and shame
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
