There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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