My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
