i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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