Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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