The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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