I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
