found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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