is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
