covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
there is glitter all over my balls
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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