oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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